Numb Me Raw..

You ever just get so caught up with trying to understand how you feel, and you just end up not feeling? Going through extended periods of time with no desire, no feels, just aimlessly walking wherever the body takes you.. I started ambitious, full of the hunt, but as time progressed my appetite started to dwindle.. this new feeling became secondary.. the excitement that I felt initially has dwindled away, and I am raw as ever before.. I am down to my last layer, stripping myself to my primal layer of emotion. My emotions are no longer written, yet I write my feelings into existent at every second of the day.. i am no longer concerned with how my well being is feeling, I have to adjust my mindset to my temporal concerns, and source my emotion as time unravels.. letting my passion take the liquid form of gas and my heart being a match.. i control the burn and intensity of my situations, I am no longer a slave to my emotions, but rather the navigator of my mind and body's ethereal journey..

Disarrayed moments for intimacy..

Most days I feel as if internal peace is unattainable for extended periods of time. I find that my peace is attained in second increments, while I live the majority of my life in complete disarray.. I don't grovel on my short comings on this journey for peace, I take the moments of stillness and hold on to them for dear life.. I cherish them unknowing when my next moment will come. I wait for the second of calm, that moment where no sound, no light, no outside force, it is just you and your surrounding encapsulated in an intimate blip of time.. I believe it's the disarray that makes for the sweetest moments, the fear of not being able to attain a moment as blissful as the one before.. I wander aimlessly, so when my next moment comes, I can accept it with open arms and welcome it as it comes.. peace is not something I can attain, yet it chooses the moments it wants to reveal itself to us..

Do I suffer?

Define an addict in your head and think on it for a minute, come up with your definition, and let's compare..  an addict is a person that over indulges in actions that hinder them to a fault.. I am an addict by nature, it's been engrained in my DNA since birth, and I've done nothing but observe my demon.. I've magnified the makings of an addict and studied the personality traits till they were apparent to me.. I have found that my drug of choice is love.. Love being defined as the natural phenomenon of affinity.. it's a beautiful emotion, but it can be so crippling to a person like me.. so blue, that when a pure heart comes into my vicinty I hold onto it,  I cling to it for warmth, and never let it get too far away from.. I become infatuated with my situation and my mind goes adrift, I lose sight of reality, and all I see is two souls intertwined in a dance of affection.. I am an addict of your passion, and the only fix I desire is you..

The Oasis to the Ocean

At times I feel as if all my pleasure in life stems from my own anguish.. I relish in my own ashes..  build beautiful chains and locks to my heart made with love and detail.. yet somehow it seems like the keys are never in my hands.. I lurk in the shadows, move silently through the pages of life, searching endlessly for the Oasis of my deserted mercy, yet there seems to never be an Oasis that does not come with a price.. So I bear the tax of the Oasis until my body relapses to a state of grim and my mind is inebriated with ill thought.. after the well has run dry I often ponder the question, is the tax of the Oasis worth the long and disjointed path I take to get there? My answer only seems to reveal itself in the solitude of my next endeavor and realizing that bearing a tax of an Oasis  through desolate segments will only make the journey to your ocean invaluable..

Feed my Demons or Quench my Angels..

Internal satisfaction has always been a foreign feeling to me. Ever since I was a child there has been an unquenchable lust to feeling content, to be so hungry after the accomplishment of a major feat, that my eyes are only gazing at the next challenge before me. this feeling however, it eats at me. It takes bites out of my subconscious and swallows my satisfaction so I am left empty..  The majority of my time here I aimlessly seek the next challenge and fail to see the beauty that has flourished in front of me.. so what does it take to feel content? Does it take accomplishing everything I dream of? Or does it stem from me being satisfied with what I have now? This journey has no physical destination in mind, but I am hopeful that my final location will be filled with the bliss of contentedness..

Caged away to my emotion..

What does it take to get you out of my head? You're becoming like those that have traveled this road before. My lustful intentions are getting the best of me, yet the more I let them take over the best side of me is revealed. I put small cages in my life to limit the intake of pleasures, the only way I know to put an end to my addictive needs. I limit and I limit myself, but I sit here and ponder the question, "if this is me at my limit, what does unlocking cages bring?" I straddle this line, on the brink of snapping my locks off and letting my demons run freely. Taking souls and their well-being from their natural states to dance around the fire and raise hell with me. I see this is as harmless fun, no consequences for letting myself run wild. Yet, all I feel now is the pressure of external emotions secluding me back to my cages.. I am again caged and reflecting on my encounters and sins, that is until this demons are ready to play again..